This post is all about body image. I'm going to go ahead and throw a disclaimer out there. I'm going to use a lot of inclusive terms like "every woman" and "all women." If you are one of those women who does not feel this way, awesome! I wish to bottle your essence and sell it.
I know a few women who have dated men who have suggested to them that they lose weight. I can count at least 5 without really thinking too hard. And almost always in a terrible way. I have had many a glass of wine with friends who have gushed about a boy for weeks, gone on a few dates, become official, then, the dude goes and "hey, you know, I was thinking *grab* what if we hit the gym together?"
Gentlemen. I don't know how to tell you how stupid this is. Any woman who stays with you after that is very tolerant or you're Bradley Cooper. If I could wake up with Bradley Cooper every morning and the first words out of his mouth were "hit the gym, fatty." I'd giggle, put on my gym shorts, and off I'd go. But that isn't happening in this life time.
There is no way to say "hit the gym" to the woman you love without inflicting some pain. I won't even offer you advice, but I want to show you the conversation I had with Chadd. This conversation was spawned from me watching Say Yes to the Dress Big Bliss. I told Chadd I was copy pasting our conversation to save me the time.
Chadd: girls are so sensitive about that stuff
me: well, because it says "you're not beautiful, change and I'll think you're more beautiful."
Chadd: but it becomes this incredible taboo; is that not true about everything else in life though or is this category somehow more sacred because it's a core category to a woman
me: it's because it's something that is SO important to the image of women; it's an ISSUE because what we're told is beautiful is basically unobtainable. For example. I wear a size 4 or 6 depending on the cut and a small and in the back of my mind, I constantly hear "You are so fat. How can you call yourself a runner? You're huge." I don't know one woman who doesn't hear that voice and the thing is, we know we're crazy, so we try to ignore it, but when someone we try so hard to impress someone and want to be beautiful for and hear "you need to workout," our worst fears are realized--that voice is right.
Me: you know what it would be like for men? If the first time you slept with someone, she said "we need to do something about…you know. I hear there are some great supplements."
Chadd: I think that's slightly overstating it, although the point is taken
me: no, I think it's pretty similar; we're that sensitive about our weight
Chadd: no it really isn't it's similar in that it's sensitive, and that is true. It's not similar in that one can to a degree be more easily rectified than the other
Me: and I didn't say easily rectified; I'm talking about how the comment feels
Chadd: ah well...
Me: men don't contract mental illnesses over their YA KNOW. women starve themselves to death. literally.
But here's the secret.
Ladies. The reality is that we're lovely, no matter how we "look" because we possess the charm of a woman. If a woman walks into a bar and reeks of being down on herself, she'll look like it--even if she's stunning.
You can leave the gym, sweaty, leftover make up running all over your face, and if you tell yourself "damn I look good" and believe it, men see that more than they see anything else.
And now, back to Big Bliss.